What do men want in a life partner? It may surprise you that looks aren’t at the top of the list, though being attracted to their partner is a must. Every person is different, but here are 18 basic qualities a man is looking for when choosing a life partner.
Independence
Men appreciate feeling useful but don’t want to feel used, says dating coach Evan Marc Katz. They want a woman who may ask for help on a DIY project but could figure it out if she needed to—someone who’s not looking for a man as their financial plan for the future, though some will still hold traditional values when it comes to women staying home with children. They also want someone who has their own friends and interests because it gives them permission to do so as well.
Acceptance
No one wants someone to come in looking at them like a project that needs to be fixed and changed. A man appreciates a partner who accepts him for who he is, including his flaws. A partner should want to grow with the person and not completely overhaul who they are at this moment. Men “crave approval from their significant other,” says The Good Men Project, and when you show your acceptance of who he is, it can speak volumes.
Trustworthiness
Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. As we age, the ability to trust our partners increases, either because of the wisdom of age or from being hurt in previous relationships. In a study out of Australia, says the Guardian, “both sexes placed greater importance on openness and trust with increasing age.”
Attentiveness
We wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t show us they care. Being present and attentive to his needs and feelings is important. This doesn’t mean having to baby your partner, but showing you care by listening and helping out when possible goes a long way.
Openness
Open communication and transparency are key. Men don’t want to feel like they need a translator with their partner or that they need to pry to get information. Men are opting for more long-term relationships when they feel their partner will communicate with them instead of passive-aggressive stereotypes like saying “fine” when things aren’t fine.
Empathy
Life is full of hardships, and it’s important to find someone to walk through the fires with you. Being understanding, kind, and compassionate will help build a strong, healthy relationship. It’s alright to show your nurturing side as well as your strong, independent side. According to Teen Vogue, in an EliteSingles “study of 400,000 singles,… 70% of men said kindness is very important in finding a long-term partner. [It] even beat out qualities like sexual attraction, emotional connection and moral values to take the top spot.”
Ambition
“An ambitious, mature woman is someone a guy can take on the world with. A partner in the relationship—and in life.” An ambitious woman doesn’t necessarily have to be career-oriented but a vision for what she wants with her life and the motivation to go after it are extremely appealing to men for a life partner.
Emotional connection
This may seem like a given, but a strong emotional connection is key to winning a man’s heart. They’re seeking partners with whom they have a strong bond and chemistry over more superficial relationships.
Intelligence
Intellectual compatibility can be a strong aphrodisiac for men. Looking for women they can hold conversations with beyond what happened with the Kardashians is important to them. They also appreciate women who can hold their own in the world and make wise decisions about life and their relationships.
Respect for beliefs and values
Even when partners don’t share the same beliefs and values, it’s vital to the success of the relationship to at least respect each other’s beliefs. Many people are finding partners outside their religious and political groupings, which could cause drama if there’s not a common respect appreciated by both people.
Willingness to compromise
It can’t be “your way or the highway” in a relationship. Gone are the days of one party dominating the other and taking the lead in relationships. Modern relationships are about partnership, which means both parties must work to find a middle ground.
Physical attraction
People love to say that looks don’t matter. But the truth is, you have to be attracted to your partner, even if they’re not traditionally attractive. You should be magnetically drawn to your partner in the sense that you “sometimes catch your thoughts drifting away,” says LifeHack.
Dependability
Don’t be a flake. Men prefer women whom they can rely on to do what they say and show up when they’re supposed to. Having a man guess if you’re going to do something will leave them walking away to find someone who will.
Authenticity
You may initially attract someone by pretending to be someone you are not, but the charade can only be kept up for so long. For a long-term partner, it’s best to be yourself and find someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are.
Supportiveness
Men want someone they can build with. This doesn’t mean a business partner, though sometimes that too, but someone who can support and encourage their dreams—someone who listens to their problems without judgment and gently invites them to grow. Being supportive and encouraging is a key quality.
Shared values
Shared values can be the glue that binds you to your partner. When you both have strong beliefs in something—religion, politics, or rules you live by—it builds a stable foundation for your relationship that can stand the test of time.
Financial responsibility
Being financially responsible doesn’t mean you have to make a ton of money, but you shouldn’t be living outside your means. A woman who plans for the future by saving and investing can make a man feel secure that he won’t be used for his money or worry about overspending.
Patience
Patience in a relationship, especially during disagreements, is a valuable quality. Men dread drama, so a woman who’s calm and collected during disagreements and can be patient and understanding when things get rough means a lot for a man’s peace of mind.
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