Sometimes, whether they intend to or not, parents end up failing to give their children the attention they deserve. But what can be done about the lasting emotional impact of being raised in such a household? Here are 20 steps to healing if you grew up with parents who didn’t listen.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
As stated by Psychology Today, you have to feel to heal. The first step in healing from emotional trauma and pain is acknowledging how you feel. Spend time alone with yourself and recognize, acknowledge, and validate your feelings about not being heard. Remember to remain judgment-free, quietly noticing anything that comes up without judging it as “good” or “bad.”
Seek Professional Support
Often, our emotional wounds are most effectively treated with the help of a trained professional. Consider opting for therapy with a professional who has been trained to have a solid understanding of the emotional impact of childhood neglect.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
When we’re not listened to as kids, this often leads us to develop negative core beliefs, such as the belief that we’re not good enough, not important, or not worthy of care. By practicing self-compassion, you can begin to show yourself that these beliefs are not true and that you deserve love, kindness, and attention.
Build a Supportive Community
Humans are a tribal species wired to depend on one another for all kinds of needs, including emotional needs. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community of friends or family members can help you gain the emotional validation you need.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Often, when we’re not heard in childhood, we learn that our boundaries are not important or effective in keeping us safe. As such, it’s very important to learn how to establish healthy boundaries, especially saying “no” in situations where you need to protect your emotional well-being.
Explore Creative Expression
Creative expression can be a great way to release all the emotions you’ve likely bottled up after years of not being heard. Music, writing, art, or dance can all be powerful tools for expressing yourself and beginning to heal emotional wounds.
Reclaim Your Voice
It’s not surprising that a childhood of being ignored or neglected can result in an adult who feels they have lost their voice. In order to address this, practice using your voice to assert your preferences and needs and express yourself. Public speaking, support groups, or singing classes are all wonderful ways to achieve this.
Foster Self-Discovery
When we grow up without an attentive adult figure, it can be difficult to get to know ourselves, our needs, and our interests. Spending time alone in reflection can be a great way to begin getting to know yourself again. Try out meditation, journaling, or participating in different activities to find out what you like, dislike, fear, desire, and so on.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Speaking of meditation, this can be an incredibly powerful tool in its own right. There are numerous kinds of meditations to choose from, and as noted by Healthline, meditation has been proven to promote emotional well-being. If you’re not sure where to start, try searching for a guided meditation or attending a meditation or yoga class.
Educate Yourself on Emotional Neglect
Sadly, childhood neglect is a fairly common experience. But the upside of this is that there are many books, articles, and studies on the topic. Search for works that resonate with you and help you process your negative experiences.
Embrace Vulnerability
If our parents didn’t attend to our needs and emotions in childhood, this often leads us to become emotionally closed off to protect ourselves and our vulnerable feelings. However, being emotionally vulnerable can be very beneficial and healing. Try allowing yourself to be vulnerable around those who will listen and whom you know you can trust.
Develop Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is an incredibly useful skill that can help you recognize and name your emotions. By learning to manage and express your emotions in a healthy manner, you can improve your relationships and develop a deeper sense of self-love and self-understanding.
Create a Positive Inner Dialogue
Does it seem like the voice in your head is constantly talking down to you or criticizing you? If so, it’s time to change that. Try replacing this nagging voice with positive affirmations or statements. It’s often effective to ask yourself what you would tell a close friend if they were going through the same situation.
Prioritize Physical Health
While mental health tools are usually the most effective in treating emotional wounds, taking care of your physical health remains an important factor in healing. According to the Mental Health Foundation, it has been proven that physical health is interconnected with emotional well-being. So try to make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet.
Learn to Listen to Yourself
If you weren’t listened to as a child, you may have come to believe that you don’t deserve to be listened to by yourself or others. Begin to teach yourself that you do deserve loving attention by listening to yourself. Check in with yourself as often as possible and honor your feelings, wants, and gut instincts.
Nurture Inner Child Healing
When we’re emotionally wounded as children, our wounded inner child remains within us into adulthood. As such, inner child work can be a beautiful and effective way to reconnect with this part of ourselves and begin to heal. It’s also a good idea to engage in hobbies or activities you used to love as a child.
Re-Frame Your Narrative
Those of us who have had a rocky start to life sometimes fall into feeling like disempowered victims who can’t do much to improve their lives. If this sounds like you, try shifting your perspective by acknowledging your strength and resilience in getting through those difficult times and taking steps to heal yourself.
Cultivate Gratitude
It can be difficult to feel grateful when it seems as though life has conspired against us. But in reality, there are always things to be grateful for, even if they’re as small as a warm blanket or a beautiful, sunny sky. According to Harvard Health, gratitude is scientifically proven to enhance your happiness and well-being. Try keeping a gratitude journal and see how you feel after writing a list of things you appreciate about life.
Foster Forgiveness
You may not feel like forgiving your parent or caregiver who failed to give you the attention you needed, and it’s okay if you don’t want to do so. However, forgiveness can often be beneficial for our mental well-being, allowing us to release the burden of resentment and start anew.
Celebrate Your Progress
Last but not least, take a moment to celebrate just how far you’ve come already. Seeking ways to heal from emotional neglect is an incredible step in the healing process, so you’re doing a great job already. Remember to regularly give yourself credit for your progress, strength, and determination.
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