Being unfaithful to your monogamous partner is a complex issue with various factors and motivations at play. However, certain justifications that are commonly used to excuse infidelity don’t hold up under closer scrutiny. This article highlights 18 excuses for cheating that are simply hurtful, dismissive, or illogical.
“It was just a one-time mistake.”
Using the word ‘just’ to describe an act that will cause your partner significant emotional distress, heartache, and jealousy seriously downplays the seriousness of cheating. Business Insider suggests keeping such acts secret—if that’s not possible, show how remorseful and guilty you are by using appropriate language and avoiding dismissive phrases.
“We haven’t been intimate lately.”
A lack of sex without an external reason (like illness or injury) is often a sign of a significant relationship problem, but that doesn’t mean you can fix it by sleeping with someone else. Open communication is vital, so express your needs and frustrations to your partner and be open to understanding their side. This bonding experience may naturally lead to more intimacy.
“They weren’t meeting my needs.”
If you are unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationship, you should either try to communicate and change this or end the relationship. Cheating on your partner is not an acceptable response and will only weaken the relationship further. Tell your partner how you feel and try to fix the problem instead of resorting to infidelity to meet your needs.
“We were on a break.”
According to Metro, this is a very common excuse for infidelity. Any relationship ‘break’ needs to be explicitly defined and agreed upon to ensure both partners know what is and isn’t allowed or expected. Don’t make assumptions about what taking a break means, and never use it as an excuse for cheating unless you both agree to that beforehand.
“They cheated on me first.”
Psychcrumbs says ‘revenge cheating’ isn’t a healthy way to cope with unfaithfulness in your relationship. Two wrongs don’t make a right, so if you were hurt and betrayed by an act of infidelity, purposefully ‘returning the favor’ will only increase the emotional damage done by the initial betrayal. If you truly love your partner, focus on forgiveness and fixing your problems.
“We’re not married, so it doesn’t count.”
You don’t need a piece of paper to confirm you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship. Psychology Today states that cheating is an act of betrayal in any relationship (married or not) in which one or both partners consider the partnership to be exclusive. Unless you both clearly agreed to have an ‘open’ relationship, this excuse isn’t acceptable.
“I was drunk/high.”
Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol doesn’t absolve you of blame, even if you have little memory of the act. If being unfaithful is a possibility when you drink or use substances, then you shouldn’t be doing them in any environment where cheating is conceivable. Take responsibility for your actions, and don’t use intoxication as an excuse.
“We’re just friends; nothing happened.”
Emotional affairs involve a mental connection without sexual intimacy but can be just as damaging as physical ones. Downplaying your feelings or dismissing an emotional connection with another person (conveniently) absolves you of blame without acknowledging all the boundaries you crossed.
“They’re the one who made me do it.”
Unless you were the victim of sexual assault, this excuse is pathetically flimsy. Cheating is a conscious choice, and no one can be forced to decide to betray their partner. Don’t shift the blame onto someone else—take responsibility for your choices and acknowledge that the consequences were hurtful and destructive.
“Everyone does it.”
As common as infidelity may be, normalizing it is overly dismissive and hurtful to your partner, especially if they have remained faithful. This statement fails to acknowledge how unhealthy and harmful cheating is and implies that trust, communication, and commitment are not necessary for your relationship. By the way—they are!
“I deserve to be happy.”
Research has shown that one of the top reasons why people cheat is due to a lack of love in the relationship. While personal happiness is important, seeking joy should not involve making other people unhappy or disregarding their emotions. Ask yourself—can you be truly content if you aren’t honest and decent?
“They’ll never find out.”
Even if you truly believe no one will ever find out, you must still live with your own conscience. Even if you can handle the burden of secrecy and guilt, your partner may be unhappily suspicious anyway. When, inevitably, the truth comes out, the emotional fallout and harm of such revelations can be worsened by the fact that you lied, especially for long-term affairs.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
While it may not be a big deal to you, your partner likely sees it differently, and using this phrase completely disregards their feelings, your betrayal, and the hurt you’ve caused them. If you want to minimize this pain, don’t dismiss your actions or try to reduce them—admit shame, regret, and guilt appropriate to the ‘crime’ you’ve committed.
“It will spice things up in our relationship.”
If you want to ‘swing’ or try new things, that’s all well and good. But you should definitely discuss this with your partner first and ensure they approve or agree. Long-term relationships can get mundane and repetitive, but infidelity is not the answer. Instead, communicate your feelings and allow your partner to be involved in the solution!
“I’m not attracted to them anymore.”
Stating this after the fact is too late! While attraction can wane over time, you can’t use that as an excuse to cheat. Encourage your partner to make changes alongside you that may bolster your attraction for one another—like going to the gym, eating healthy, or shopping for new clothes. This will make it a shared problem rather than an accusation.
“They wouldn’t understand why I’m unhappy.”
You don’t know for sure unless you try. Instead of hypothetically writing your partner off as incapable of understanding you, try clearly and carefully explaining your unhappiness and what changes you want to work on together. If open communication doesn’t work, couples therapy or a clean break-up are both preferable to the emotional mess of infidelity.
“I’m not capable of monogamy.”
It’s great that you know that, but why didn’t you share this information with your partner before starting a monogamous relationship? Cheaters often use this as an excuse for their inability to commit or their blatant disregard for the feelings of others, but it is extremely destructive and hurtful. Such statements must be laid out before a relationship reaches a certain stage.
“It doesn’t count with someone online.”
Committed relationships are so much more than just sexual connections, so any kind of romantic, emotional bond with another person is going to hurt your partner. Even if you have never met the person, sharing intimate feelings, thoughts, and endearments can be just as hurtful as sharing a bed, so don’t dismiss how real and impactful an online affair can be.
Read More: Why People Aren’t Religious Anymore: 15 Simple Reasons
As society evolves, so does our approach to spirituality. This article looks at the subtle yet profound shift from traditional religious adherence to a more personal, evidence-based belief system.
Why People Aren’t Religious Anymore: 15 Simple Reasons
17 Things Society Can No Longer Do Because Gen Z Said So
Gen Z, our digital-native, trendsetting generation, is making waves in the cultural sea, steering the ship of societal norms in fresh and unexpected directions. As they charter new territories, there are certain practices they’d rather we say goodbye to. Curious? Let’s take a look at 17 things the rest of us can no longer do because Gen Z said so.
17 Things Society Can No Longer Do Because Gen Z Said So
19 Common Behaviors of Highly Intelligent People
Intelligent individuals often display a range of behaviors and qualities that set them apart from others. When exploring these characteristics, it’s crucial to comprehend that intelligence is a multifaceted attribute. Here are 19 essential behaviors and qualities frequently observed in highly intelligent people.
19 Common Behaviors of Highly Intelligent People
17 Things We Were Taught in High School That We Now Know Aren’t True
Well, this one may depend on when you went to high school, but for this millennial, these are the things we were taught in high school that have been proven not to be true. Personally, I still want to go back and correct every teacher who told me I wouldn’t always have a calculator in my pocket; the joke is on them.
17 Things We Were Taught in High School That We Now Know Aren’t True
16 Reasons Why Trump May Not Get a Second Term
Though Republican frontrunner Donald Trump thinks his trip back to the Oval Office is all but guaranteed, there are some real hurdles he has to get past. Here are the 16 obstacles that may stand in the way of a second term.