17 Signs Someone Is Only Pretending to Care

There are always signs that someone is only pretending to care about you. But how do you know? Read our 17 signs to check if the people in your life are here for good.

Lack of Mutual Trust

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If someone doesn’t trust you, they rarely, if ever, confide in you about their challenges, fears, or secrets. They may even question your actions or motives, showing a lack of faith in your intentions. According to Hack Spirit, some of the signs of trust are honesty, compromise, and consistency.

They Rarely Initiate Contact

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When someone cares genuinely, they’ll make an effort to reach out first sometimes, not just respond when it suits them. On the other hand, someone who doesn’t care about you will only reach out when they need something or it’s convenient for them, not to check in on you or share life updates.

Their Interest Seems Superficial

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Genuine interest is shown through engaging in conversations that go beyond the superficial. Meaningful conversations go beyond surface-level chat. They are about your life, feelings, or meaningful experiences.

Support Is Conditional

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The Collins Dictionary defines ‘unconditional’ as when a person does something without requiring anything to be done by other people in exchange. Bad friends offer support only when there’s something in it for them. They will withdraw their support when you need it most, especially if there’s no immediate benefit to them.

They’re Only Around During Good Times

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True friends are those who stand by you not just in the sunshine but also during the storm. They’re always present when you’re going through difficult periods, not only when things are fun or beneficial.

Their Actions and Words Don’t Align

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Fake friends frequently make promises they don’t keep or intentions that never materialize into actions. Their actions often contradict what they say, indicating dishonesty or disinterest. When someone truly cares, their actions will consistently match their words. There is no need to convince them to do it.

They Rarely Share Personal Information

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Ever tried to connect with someone, but they kept details about their personal life, feelings, and challenges to themselves? That might be a sign they don’t care. There’s an imbalance in the personal information shared, with you revealing much more than they do.

Attention Is Distracted During Conversations

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When someone is always on their phone, not looking at you, or changing the subject while you’re talking, it shows they’re not listening. Paying full attention is a sign of respect and care. If someone can’t bother to focus on your words, they might not be genuinely interested in your life.

They Don’t Make Efforts to Understand You

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Not making an effort to understand your needs, feelings, or what’s important to you is a big red flag. When someone cares, they try to grasp your boundaries, show empathy, and align with your values. Ignoring these aspects of a relationship shows a lack of real care and understanding toward you.

Compliments Are Rare or Nonexistent

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If compliments are rare and you’re more likely to hear criticism than praise, it might indicate a lack of genuine affection. Psych Central says one way to deal with overly critical people is simply not to take it personally.

They’re Quick to Point Out Flaws

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Pointing out flaws and criticizing harshly, especially by making unfavorable comparisons, can be hurtful. It’s not constructive and doesn’t come from a place of caring. A truly caring person offers constructive feedback designed to uplift you, not make you feel small or inadequate.

Only Available on Their Terms

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A person who’s only available on their terms, often cancels plans at the last minute, and prioritizes their needs over yours lacks respect for your time and feelings. True care is about mutual respect and flexibility, ensuring that both people’s needs and schedules are considered equally important.

They Avoid Commitment

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Commitment shows that someone values and sees a future in your relationship. Avoiding commitment by not making definite plans, being vague about the future, and not defining the relationship are signs someone doesn’t value or see a future with you.

They Use You as a Convenience

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If someone only reaches out when they need something, doesn’t reciprocate your efforts, or takes advantage of your generosity without giving back, it’s a sign they’re using you. Relationships are about mutual support and generosity. Being in a one-sided relationship where you’re always giving and they’re always taking isn’t healthy or fair.

They Don’t Respect Your Time

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Not respecting your time, such as consistently being late, ignoring your schedule, or wasting your time, shows a lack of consideration and respect. Time is valuable, and when someone cares about you, they respect yours as much as their own. If they don’t value your time, they might not value you.

Your Gut Feeling Signals Something’s Off

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When your gut signals something’s off in a relationship, it’s not just an old wives’ tale; it’s a deeply ingrained human instinct that can be pivotal in decision-making. Well and Good reports that this intuitive discomfort and feeling undervalued serve as significant indicators that shouldn’t be ignored.

They Show Jealousy, Not Happiness, for Your Successes

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A caring individual will celebrate your successes as if they were their own, showing genuine happiness for you. However, a pretentious friend will react with jealousy or negativity to your achievements instead of happiness or support. They might even attempt to downplay or undermine your successes, making them seem less significant.

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