17 Things You Do to Be Nice That Actually Come Off as Rude

Sometimes, even the most well-intentioned people can end up coming across as disrespectful or impolite. If you’re worried this could be you, then worry no longer. This list covers 17 things you do to be nice that may actually be coming across as rude.

Insisting on Paying for Meals

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While it’s certainly a generous gesture to offer to pay for others’ meals, if you are overly pushy about it, it can feel like you’re undermining the other person’s ability to contribute. They may also see it as a power move. For this reason, it’s best to offer politely once, and if they seem unreceptive, allow them to contribute to the bill.

Overly Frequent Compliments

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Most of us enjoy being complimented in the right contexts. However, if you go over the top with laying on the praises, it can sometimes come across as insincere or manipulative, causing the recipient to feel uncomfortable or suspicious.

Giving Unsolicited Advice

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People who give unsolicited advice often come from a well-meaning place of wanting to help and support others. However, as noted by Psych Central, it can easily come across as though you don’t trust the other person’s ability to handle their own situation and make their own decisions. This is why it’s best to ask if they want your opinion or wait for them to ask for your advice before giving it.

Asking Too Many Personal Questions

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Asking questions is a good way to show your interest in other people and their lives. However, if you ask too many personal questions, it can start to feel like an invasion of privacy, especially if the topics are generally considered sensitive and uncomfortable.

“Helping” Without Asking

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While you may be tempted to jump in and “help” someone with a task they seem to be struggling with, taking over their tasks without asking can make them feel like you see them as incapable and dependent on others. For this reason, it’s usually better to ask first before helping.

Constantly Apologizing

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While most of us see apologizing as a polite thing to do when you’ve made a mistake, apologizing too much for trivial things can make others feel pressured to constantly reassure you that you haven’t done anything wrong.

Making Decisions for the Group

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Sometimes, it feels nice when someone takes the initiative in a group and helps lead decisions. However, making decisions for the group without taking others’ preferences into account often comes across as rude and dismissive of those around you.

Invading Personal Space

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Different cultures have different norms and expectations when it comes to personal space. But in America, standing or sitting too close to someone can easily make them uncomfortable. As such, it’s important to respect the cultural norms of others and ensure you’re not overstepping others’ boundaries.

Offering to “Fix” Things

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While you may be coming from a well-intentioned place, offering to “fix” things about someone’s appearance, work, or lifestyle can imply that you think there are things wrong with their present state. Even if you intend to help, this can easily be perceived as a rude form of criticism.

Interrupting to Agree or Compliment

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Signs of agreement and compliments usually play an important role in social interactions. However, if you’re constantly interrupting someone when doing so, this can backfire and actually cause you to come off as more rude than attentive and thoughtful.

Correcting People in Public

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Correcting someone, especially in public situations, can feel very embarrassing and put them on the defensive. If you feel like the correction is necessary, you can wait until you’re out of the earshot of others to correct them instead of putting them on the spot in front of a group.

Holding Doors Open When Someone Is Far Away

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It’s usually a nice gesture to hold the door open for people behind you. Psychology Today hypothesizes that we do this to minimize collective effort. But if they’re very far away, doing so can force them to hurry toward you, creating an inconvenience for them and an awkward overall situation.

Declining Offers Too Quickly

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It’s okay to decline offers you’re not interested in for whatever reason. However, when you decline too quickly, this can come across as dismissive of and ungrateful for someone’s generous proposal. Therefore, it’s a good idea to pause before declining to show that you’re considering their offer and be sure to thank them for their thoughtfulness.

Automatically Using Nicknames or Diminutives

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Nicknames can be appreciated as signs of affection and closeness. But if you don’t know the person you’re referring to very well, it can come across as disrespectful and overly familiar. In these situations, it’s better to refer to them by the name they introduce themselves with.

Excessive Gift-Giving

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Most of us will greatly appreciate a thoughtful gift every now and then. However, excessive gift-giving can actually cause the recipient to feel uncomfortable and obliged to reciprocate, even if they don’t feel prepared to do so.

Taking Photos Without Permission

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While it’s becoming more and more normal for people to walk around with their phones out taking pictures, that doesn’t mean that everyone will appreciate having their photo taken without their permission. That’s why it’s important to ensure that people are comfortable being photographed, even in group settings.

Always Trying to Cheer People Up

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Phrases like “look on the bright side” or “cheer up” may be well-intentioned, but they can actually invalidate someone’s feelings. As noted by Georgetown Psychology, this can also be perceived as toxic positivity. Instead, you should allow others to express themselves and feel their emotions without immediately trying to change or “fix” the situation.

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