Parenting is a tough job, and aiming for perfection is an exercise in futility. The best any parent or caregiver can do is try their best to raise happy children within the limits of their personal circumstances and personalities! While every family is unique, here are 19 general parenting tactics that psychologists agree help create content and well-rounded kids.
Maintain an Attachment Bond
Children who experience a robust and secure attachment with their primary caregivers from infancy are more trusting and safe. This is because they feel they have a reliable ‘safety net’ whenever they need help, advice, or support. Children closely bonded to their parents tend to better regulate their emotions, face challenges, and conquer their fears.
Unconditional Praise
Children thrive when they feel loved and accepted for who they are, so acknowledging their positive attributes and personal achievements is vital, even if they don’t align with your own. Time asserts that even badly behaved children should be praised and encouraged and that the focus should be on effort and progress rather than an ultimate goal.
Clear, Consistent Limits
Believe it or not, children NEED structure, routine, and boundaries to feel safe and trust that their caregivers are capable and in control. Set clear, age-appropriate limits and expectations for behavior, and enforce them! Children who experience fair yet consistent consequences for poor behavior are more likely to become respectful and well-rounded adults.
Allow Independence
As children grow, encourage them to make their own choices and take responsibility for their actions in line with their age and maturity level. Start with small decisions and gradually increase their autonomy as they get older. This sense of control slowly builds confidence and self-esteem, preparing them for adult life without ‘throwing them in at the deep end.’
Validate Their Emotions
Children experience a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative, and will often react differently or more strongly than an adult would in a given situation. You don’t need to agree with or share their feelings, but you do need to recognize them! Acknowledge their feelings without judgment and sensitively help them identify and express their emotions in healthy ways.
Actively Listen
No one likes to be ignored, and that goes for children, too. Action for Children recommends putting away distractions (like smartphones), making eye contact, and focusing on what your child is trying to communicate to you. To show that you’re listening, ask clarifying questions and rephrase their feelings. Children feel understood and heard when parents listen attentively.
Nurture Their Curiosity
While answering 1,000 ‘why’ questions can get tiring for any caregiver, it’s important not to discourage your child’s natural inquisitiveness. Curiosity is a sign of healthy mental growth, so try to ask open-ended questions and allow your child to explore their own ideas. Activities like basic science experiments, fact books, and nature walks are great ways to do this.
Offer Positive Reinforcement
While punishing bad behavior is a common parenting tool, remember to provide rewards and praise when your child acts positively. Did your toddler eat dinner without spilling any? Has your seven-year-old been playing quietly in their room? Did your teenager respect their curfew? While these behaviors may be ‘expected,’ remember to offer positive reinforcement so they know they’re doing well.
Model Healthy Social Skills
Children learn by observing the adults around them, and no amount of ‘talk’ is as powerful as watching how adults behave in real situations. Be a good role model by exhibiting the positive social behaviors you want them to develop, like kindness, empathy, and respect. Show them how to handle conflict constructively and how to be sensitive to the feelings of others.
Teach Emotional Regulation
Help your child learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way by expressing your own negative emotions in a constructive way. Northwest Educational Services recommends teaching and modeling coping strategies like deep breathing, counting, and relaxation techniques. This can help children learn to channel their frustration, anger, and sadness in a constructive way.
Use Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Making mistakes is an essential learning opportunity and a ubiquitous human experience. The old adage “you learn the most from the lessons you like the least” holds some truth, and the errors we make can be invaluable teaching moments. Help your child understand what went wrong without allocating blame, explore possible solutions, and encourage them to try again.
Limit Screen Time
According to the UAA, “87 percent of children had screen time exceeding recommendations from the American Pediatric Academy.” Excessive screen time has been linked to a variety of issues, including attention problems, sleep difficulties, and decreased social skills. Establish limits and encourage alternative activities like reading, outdoor play, or creative pursuits.
Promote Healthy Sleep Habits
Children aged up to 12 years old require 12–16 hours of sleep a day, while teenagers need at least 8–10 hours. Adequate sleep is crucial for children’s physical and mental health, and tiredness can significantly impact their mood, academic success, and happiness. Create a consistent bedtime routine, provide a relaxing environment, and limit screen time before bed.
Encourage Physical Activity
Regular physical activity offers numerous benefits for children and adults, so don’t neglect to incorporate exercise into your child’s routine. They don’t necessarily need to join a sports team—simple activities like walking/biking to school, playing outside, exploring nature, doing energetic games, and dancing to music all promote movement without a strict schedule.
Spend Quality Time Together
Our modern lives can get busy, and finding time to spend together as a family during the daily grind can be tricky. Yet, dedicating quality time to your child is crucial for their emotional development and for strengthening your bond. It doesn’t need to be an expensive outing; you could try reading, playing board games, baking, or gardening.
Cultivate a Positive Mindset
A positive outlook on life can benefit children in numerous ways, whereas negativity can be damaging. A study by the NIH states that depressed parents are more likely to raise unhappy children, so don’t neglect your own mental health. Teach your child that their abilities can be developed through effort and learning, and encourage them to ‘look on the bright side’ whenever possible.
Have Family Meals
No matter how large or small your family is, try to eat together at least once a day, even if you aren’t enjoying identical meals. Eating together provides an opportunity for connection, communication, and positive memories. Don’t allow electronic devices like TVs and smartphones at the dinner table; try to focus on enjoying each other’s company.
Express Gratitude
Gratitude has been shown to significantly increase happiness and well-being, while people who don’t feel grateful are more likely to become depressed or feel ‘unlucky.’ Help your child develop their overall appreciation by pointing out things you’re thankful for, such as loved ones, nature, beautiful scenery, a sunny day, home comforts, or delicious foods!
Open Communication
No subject should be off limits if your child or teenager is merely curious or concerned. Don’t shy away from talking about complex topics at an appropriate age, like negative emotions, sexual feelings, upsetting world events, drugs, or bullying. Your child should feel comfortable approaching you with their questions, even if the subject is something you don’t want to discuss.
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