Love can be incredible, but no one said it was always easy, especially in the long term. In this article, we look at 19 common mistakes that women frequently make in relationships with men and how best to avoid them.
Trying to Change Him
Everyone has their own quirks that require compromise for a relationship to work. Trying to change your man’s core identity by dictating his interests, habits, friends, or dress sense is sure to leave him feeling unseen. Your individualities bring variety to your relationship, so instead of attempting to mold him into the version of him you want, show interest in the things he loves and be more accepting of any harmless habits that don’t match with yours.
It may be a stereotype, but many men don’t think about things in as much detail as women do. Overthinking breeds unnecessary worry and distrust and create problems when there aren’t any. When we overanalyze our partner’s actions or words, we often read too much into the situation, causing unnecessary stress. Avoid making assumptions and ‘stewing’ over issues; communicate your concerns directly, and you may find nothing to worry about after all.
Just as you enjoy spending time alone or with friends, personal space is important to your man too. Needing time apart doesn’t mean he loves you any less; rather, he values his individuality and the importance of maintaining other parts of his life. Viewing this as a threat to your relationship will only breed resentment and make him less likely to choose you. Avoid co-dependence and work towards a healthier, more balanced relationship.
Holding The Past Against Him
While certain extreme behavior may be unforgivable, most of us make mistakes and have moments of poor judgment or weakness. Continuously holding on to your man’s past errors is a toxic habit that can pollute an otherwise healthy relationship. Try to understand that people grow and learn from their mistakes and that forgiveness is a vital part of all long-term partnerships. By moving forward when necessary, you’ll help build trust and understanding.
Expecting Him to Read Your Mind
In general, men don’t pick up on subtle signals, so expecting him to intuitively know your needs, thoughts, or feelings can lead to immense frustration. It is crucial to express yourself clearly and openly if you hope to avoid feeling like your emotions are being ignored. Calm, honest communication will ensure he knows what you want or why you feel that way, helping to strengthen your bond and promote harmony.
Lack Of Appreciation
Feeling worthwhile is a key part of fueling love in a relationship. When we take our a man’s positive actions for granted, they feel undervalued and unseen. Just because he’s a man, don’t assume that he doesn’t need compliments or gratitude when he does things well. Plus, when you express your thankfulness for his actions, you also reinforce and encourage this behavior. It’s a win-win!
Ignoring Their Feelings
Because men are expected to be ‘less emotional’ than women, their feelings can sometimes be downplayed or ignored. Men have emotional needs just like we do, and they need them to be recognized and addressed. No one is immune to negative human emotions, and being a good partner to him means validating his feelings and fostering a caring environment in which you can both understand and support each other through life’s ups and downs.
Comparing Him to Your Ex
They call comparison the ‘thief of joy,’ and that is certainly true for relationships. Just like you, your man is unique and has his own strengths and weaknesses. Comparing him to ex-partners will not promote positive change; it will only undermine him and make him feel hurt or inadequate. If he’s the one you’ve chosen to be with, cherish his individuality, and avoid comparing him to men of the past.
When you really love someone, it can be tempting to try and morph into their idea of the perfect woman. But, in relationships, it’s important to be true to who you are. While compromise is definitely important, compromising on what is fundamental to your sense of self isn’t healthy. Plus, it will only foster disrespect if you can’t stand up for your beliefs or act in a way that matches who you are.
Not Making Time for Each Other
Life can be busy, but making time for each other is essential if you are both to feel valued. Work, friends, or personal hobbies shouldn’t take precedence over your relationship every time. Try to make time to focus on each other. You don’t need a whole weekend away, but taking a quiet moment to stop, listen and enjoy life with your partner is vital; otherwise, what’s the point!?
Being Overly Jealous
We’re all guilty of a healthy flash of jealousy here and there, but allowing jealousy to rule you can quickly destroy a relationship. Being overly suspicious of him, trying to control his actions, or being restrictive reflects insecurity and a dangerous lack of trust. Confidence in each other forms the bedrock of a healthy relationship, so remember that your man is entitled to a life outside your relationship, just as you are.
Ignoring Red Flags
Serious signs of relationship problems should never be taken lightly. They can signify trouble ahead and highlight issues that need to be dealt with to avoid adversely affecting the relationship later on. Ignoring them in the hope that they’ll disappear over time is a big mistake.
By confronting these issues early on, they can be addressed and discussed before too much harm is done. Remember, love doesn’t require overlooking behavior that makes you unhappy.
Making Major Decisions Alone
Whether it’s deciding on a job offer that will force you to relocate or whether to adopt a pet, major decisions should be taken jointly. Your man will feel resentful and neglected if you impose life changes on him without consultation, so it’s essential to value his opinions and seek his input on life’s major issues. This will help to avoid disputes and reinforce mutual respect for each other.
Though we can’t deny that it’s important to consider your man’s needs and feelings, prioritizing them to the point of neglecting your own can lead to an imbalanced relationship. Mutual respect and understanding are key, so try to ensure that both partners’ needs are equally valued. Take the time to invest in your own happiness and practice self-care, too; he’ll respect your investment in yourself and will also learn what makes you happy.
Giving Him the Silent Treatment
Silence can sometimes be golden, but when it’s being used as a punishment, it can be harmful to your relationship. The silent treatment removes communication when it is needed the most and prevents misunderstandings from being cleared up, as well as bottling up strong emotions. Instead, try to express your feelings in a calm way and encourage your man to do the same. Your relationship will thank you!
Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Shying away from discussing contentious issues might seem like a peace-keeping exercise, but it can often lead to misunderstandings and resentment. Whether you have an issue with finance, personal boundaries, or future plans, open communication is essential. Just because a subject is difficult to talk about, or creates tension, doesn’t mean it should be avoided. It’s better to have a moment of discomfort now than leave an unresolved problem for the future.
Using Love as a Threat
Ultimatums are generally not recommended in relationships, and using love as a tool for negotiation is manipulative and counter-productive. Using phrases like “If you loved me, you would…” not only undermines your partner but puts unnecessary strain on both him and your relationship. Instead, communicate your needs directly and respectfully, and remember that genuine love doesn’t involve fulfilling your partner’s demands or being emotionally bullied.
Assuming you know what your man needs or wants without asking him is a damaging, but not uncommon, mistake. Even if you’ve been together a long time, don’t deny him the option to choose. Once again, communication is vital! Ask him directly what his preferences are and talk about his feelings in depth without dismissing them. Being receptive to hearing what makes him happy (even when you think you know) will lead to a more meaningful connection.
Everyone has ambitions in life, and your man’s dreams are an integral part of who he is and a huge force for his future happiness. Mocking or dismissing the things he values or is working towards can make him feel misunderstood and unloved. To strengthen your connection, show interest in his aspirations and actively support and encourage him in working towards them. CF
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