Funerals can be overwhelming and it is sometimes difficult to know how to act or what to say. If you’re attending a friend’s or a relative’s funeral, make sure you don’t do these 17 things to avoid causing offense to close family or making others feel uncomfortable.
Avoid Loud and Inappropriate Attire
You should dress in black unless directed otherwise by the family members to show respect. According to Cosmopolitan, “A funeral isn’t usually the place to wear an ultra-short mini dress, so hemlines can remain around or below the knee, and spaghetti straps are sometimes a no-go.”
Don’t Use Your Phone
The sound of a ringing phone or message notifications can disrupt the service and show a lack of respect for the grieving process. Similarly, engaging with your phone by sending texts or scrolling on social media suggests you’re disinterested, which family members may find disrespectful.
Don’t Bring Up Controversial Topics
Many people find funerals to be a unifying event that brings relatives and friends together to mourn and remember the deceased. Bringing up controversial topics can disrupt this harmony by creating tension and conflict, which may overshadow the ceremony and mourning process.
Refrain from Excessive Drinking
While some funerals may include alcohol as part of the commemoration, excessively drinking alcohol can lead to inappropriate behavior and make other attendees feel uncomfortable. Alcohol can impair your judgment and heighten your emotions, meaning you may risk saying something disrespectful or upsetting.
Avoid Laughing or Joking
Laughter or joking can be perceived as mocking the situation or minimizing the seriousness of the occasion. It can be nice to share stories and fond memories, but if you’re speaking during the service, Reader’s Digest recommends that you “run your story by a family member beforehand, as you would a wedding toast.”
Don’t Be Overly Familiar
Understanding and respecting personal boundaries is crucial at a funeral, as people around you may be experiencing a range of heightened emotions. This means unsolicited physical contact or overly familiar behavior can be intrusive or unwelcome, and you need to make sure you respect individual space and comfort levels.
Avoid Arriving Late or Leaving Early
Being on time demonstrates respect for the deceased and their family and acknowledges the significance of the event. On top of this, late arrivals or early departures can disrupt the service and indicate a lack of consideration for the sentiment of the occasion.
Avoid Making It About Yourself
Funerals are meant to honor the deceased and support the grieving family, and it is therefore inappropriate to shift the focus to your own experiences or feelings. Sharing personal anecdotes or issues can impose on the family’s need to grieve, so try to offer support by listening and being present.
Don’t Ignore the Family’s Wishes
Funeral arrangements and rituals often reflect the family’s cultural, religious, or personal preferences, so disregarding these can cause distress and show a lack of empathy. It’s important to adhere to their wishes when it comes to dress codes, participation in rituals, or your overall conduct during the service.
Don’t Take Photos Without Permission
Taking photos can feel like an infringement on the family’s privacy and emotional space. Country Living says, “It may be a happy occasion to reconnect, even under difficult circumstances, but don’t let the bereaved see you behaving as if you are at a graduation party, rather than a funeral. And going up to the coffin and snapping a picture is not appropriate.”
Refrain from Uninvited Participation
Funerals usually follow a specific order for the day, so unsolicited speeches, songs, or actions can disrupt the intended flow and atmosphere. If you wish to contribute to the day, it’s important to ask the family beforehand to ensure that your participation is appropriate and welcome.
Don’t Bring Unannounced Plus-Ones
If you have been specifically invited to a funeral, it is inappropriate to bring plus-ones without asking. Unexpected guests can affect logistical arrangements, such as seating and catering, and may also impact the family’s comfort and the event’s intimacy, so it’s essential to discuss this with them beforehand.
Avoid Inappropriate Conversations
Engaging in gossip, jokes, or off-topic discussions can be seen as a lack of respect for the occasion and the deceased’s memory. Instead, try to make sure conversations are supportive, reflective, and appropriate to the context, focusing on the deceased’s life and offering condolences to the bereaved.
Don’t Disregard Seating Arrangements
According to Dignity Funerals, “At a funeral, immediate family and close friends sit in the first few rows, and then the remaining seats can be filled.” They also suggest not sitting too far back in a large hall or church to ensure that the seats between attendees and the family aren’t left empty.
Don’t Speak Ill of the Deceased
Speaking negatively about the deceased at their funeral is highly inappropriate and can cause distress and anger among mourners. The funeral’s main purpose is to honor the memory of the deceased and to offer support and condolences, not to criticize. If there are unresolved issues, you need to find a more appropriate time and place to discuss them.
Don’t Neglect the Significance of the Eulogy
The eulogy is a critical moment during the funeral that often means the most to close friends and family, so talking or not paying attention during this tribute is considered disrespectful. Make sure you actively listen and show respect to support the speaker and share a moment of reflection with other attendees.
Avoid Bringing Young Children Without Preparation
Deciding whether to bring young children to a funeral depends on their relationship with the deceased and their ability to handle the seriousness of the event. Restless children can unintentionally cause distractions, so make sure to prepare them beforehand for what to expect and how to behave.
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